So... been working the past couple of nights. It was good to get back
and see my co workers and friends. I do love my job, even with all the
craziness that happens when families are faced with what these folks are
going through. The fears, the tears, and the tension and sometimes
drama. Patients families can get really haywire at times. It's
understandable though. People hear the word "hospice" and they think
instantly of "OMG... death". Hospice isn't like that though. At least
not for me. Hospice to me is kindness, laughter, smiles , gentle caring
and love through a persons last days here on this earth. For the
patient as well as the family. I build a rapport with my families I
take care of, and the patients. Even into death and beyond, I do my best
to care for them with everything they might need. Who knows? Maybe one
day I may need that type of care, and I can only hope that I will be
treated with kindness and respect as well.
Laughter abounds some
days, such as one of my patients asking me (just last night) if I
enjoyed my vacation recently, and I told her that yes... yes I did. And
that I had gotten married.... she replied to me "Oh! OH you got
married???" And as I pulled out a photo to show her of my new husband
and myself, she replied to me... "Oh he's handsome! I thought you were
gay!" I laughed so hard I very nearly tinkled myself.... LOL! Who are
these people and why are they always around me??? She is a true gem and
blessing to me, and I was no where near offended. Why should I be? She
brings smiles to me whenever I get to work with her.
Another
memory of quite a few years ago is of a gentleman who was rough and
gruff around the edges, so the office "gave him to me cause I could
handle that type of person". In other words, no one else wanted him
cause he was a mean grumpy old man. LOL! He would cuss at me and I would
smile, he would yell at me, and I would continue my care for him. As
the months went by and cancer continued to ravage his body, we became
close. I would sit by his bed and listen to him talk, knowing this was
exactly what was needed at that time for his comfort. The nursing home
he was in would even call me to go flush his port when it was due cause
he would yell at the other nurses that came into his room. LOL!
Needless
to say, we became close. He asked if I would be there when his time
came. I said yes. The man had family, but they didn't want to be in the
room when he passed (their choice- maybe his?). So when it was close, my
team, the other disciplines of hospice who were there and they kept me
informed. I got to him as quickly as I could. I held his hand and sat
next to his bed until his last breath. Talking to him, singing to him
and praying for him. I was alright after ward, until the Chaplain tapped
me on the shoulder and asked if I was alright. Only then did I burst
into tears for this poor angry lost soul of a man who had touched me so
deeply.... I will always miss him and he will forever hold a special
place in my heart.
Another family lost their husband and father
on Thanksgiving Day a few years back. I spent Thanksgiving sitting on
his bed with him, medicating him every 30 minutes to try and calm the
seizures that wracked his body over and over. To this day, I am friends
with his wife on Face Book and we keep in contact throughout. She always
reminds me during hard times that he is watching over me from heaven. I
may have lost out on dinner with my family, but they lost something
much much more that day.
I have been more blessed in this job than
any other, and even throughout the more difficult days and trying
families and demanding hours, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Have a blessed day everyone. <3
Monday, July 15, 2019
Confusion strikes!!!
I am in a bit of a quandary here… As many of you know, I just got married July 6...well, as it goes… My husband and his two boys have been taking care of his elderly mother since his father passed away quite a few years ago (and yes, I knew I married a package deal)… Now, the boys are both grown. And we weren’t aware of it, but the oldest decided to leave and go to Florida the night that we got married, and the youngest is never there. So now… My husband is wanting us to move into his mothers house so she won’t be alone. Granted, it will save us between 1500 to 2000 a month… but, the house is much smaller (and between his stuff, my stuff and our stuff, the house would be crazy full, and truthfully, I am not sure that I can take care of an 80-year-old woman who refuses to do anything for herself… I refuse to put her in a nursing home however, because she is the only surviving parent we have… But she has gone so far as to throw away my wedding cake the day after our wedding because she didn’t like the taste of it, has already given me "orders" to clean her glass collection, is forever wanting me to cook a certain way, and is constantly asking me to do this or that for her. I truly believe she has dementia (or the start of it). I'm dont want her to be alone but I am worried about how I can take care of her when I work 12 hour shifts at night. What are some of your thoughts and ideas about all of this? I’m trying to be positive and objective when it comes to this situation. I think we should, but dang it, I am not sure I want to!
Advice? Suggestions? Anything and everything appreciated!
Advice? Suggestions? Anything and everything appreciated!
Friday, July 12, 2019
Bread Recipes
Question:
Who makes their own bread?
I used to have the best recipe ever, and in the past trials, my "homemade- pass me down" recipes were taken.
I am in search of a bread recipe that slices easily for sandwiches and I can convert to wheat or white bread for weekly use. 🥰
Who makes their own bread?
I used to have the best recipe ever, and in the past trials, my "homemade- pass me down" recipes were taken.
I am in search of a bread recipe that slices easily for sandwiches and I can convert to wheat or white bread for weekly use. 🥰
Last Day of Vacation....
What shall I do? Probably clean a little more, play on my computer a little more, cook supper for my husband, and just enjoy my life a whole lot more.... <3
He mowed the lawn last night so I don't have to do that (haven't had to do that since we got together though). LOL! I may play in my flowers awhile and see what I can do to straighten them up a bit. Anything to keep my mind off certain events, like, ya know, going out tonight and feeling like crap tomorrow... I want to be productive again. At least the shakes are gone today and I feel more rested, even though I didn't sleep worth a shit again last night. At least there were no nightmares... probably cause I was resting peacefully in my husbands arms. He makes everything better.
Anyway, I am sitting here on this fine and beautiful morning, enjoying my solitude and watching a little squirrel (oh Hell! Now there's 5!!!) peck at the corn I left out for him (them) last night. :) I need to have about 3 more hours in my day to accomplish all I want to do, but would I actually do it or just say "fuck it" and do what I do now? Truth be known, I would probably be in the fuck it category. I like to be more productive with my day. As stated previously, I am a complete and total lazy ass the "day after", and I hate it. And on top of that, I eat everything in sight. Totally not good for this already 60 pound weight gain. Blah.
Lots of things I SHOULD be doing.... such as arranging my bills for payment. Can't get behind now. That bastard SH put me so far behind, I may die in debt over my head. Bastard. When I met him, I had $13,000 in savings and a credit score in the 700s. Now, I am struggling to keep $3000 and credit score in the 400s. I'll make it again though. I just upped my hours to 4 nights a week at the hospital, 48 hours a week. I was doing that AND had another job... but hubby asked that I not do two jobs anymore. He was worried about me. What? Someone worried about ME? That was a new concept, that's for sure. Sure haven't been used to THAT one! The others would encourage me to work ....all the time. As a matter of fact, I remember once when I was working 2nd shift (3-11) , I was complaining to BG and asked if I could just not work at that job, and his reply to me? "You are just pissed cause the other didn't have to work and you do." Talking about his ex wife. Needless to say, I went to work that day and every day thereafter and never said another word. But I made sure we never shared money at that point either. No combined bank accounts. Ever. But yet he insists that he gave me money all the time for my account.... when? Who paid when your phone was turned off at your business? Who paid your electric bill at your business when you said you weren't making enough? I did, you stupid fucktard. I did.
Now, the assface has the audacity to file a counterclaim in court on ME???? When I left, we had two living rooms, so I took one set of furniture from the room we rarely used. Now, he is saying that he wants the living room furniture that I have (that will give him two), he wants the TV I have (that will give him 4 and me one), he wants the engagement ring back (which he can have when my belongings are returned to me), and get this..... that jag wants my fucking BURIAL PLOT!!! What the holy fucking Hell?????
All this after he and his sister fucked me out of the house I was buying "land contract" from his sissy poo, and being called every name in the book (my favorite being "white trailer trash slut sugar momma")
Guess we'll find out when the judge determines...
He mowed the lawn last night so I don't have to do that (haven't had to do that since we got together though). LOL! I may play in my flowers awhile and see what I can do to straighten them up a bit. Anything to keep my mind off certain events, like, ya know, going out tonight and feeling like crap tomorrow... I want to be productive again. At least the shakes are gone today and I feel more rested, even though I didn't sleep worth a shit again last night. At least there were no nightmares... probably cause I was resting peacefully in my husbands arms. He makes everything better.
Anyway, I am sitting here on this fine and beautiful morning, enjoying my solitude and watching a little squirrel (oh Hell! Now there's 5!!!) peck at the corn I left out for him (them) last night. :) I need to have about 3 more hours in my day to accomplish all I want to do, but would I actually do it or just say "fuck it" and do what I do now? Truth be known, I would probably be in the fuck it category. I like to be more productive with my day. As stated previously, I am a complete and total lazy ass the "day after", and I hate it. And on top of that, I eat everything in sight. Totally not good for this already 60 pound weight gain. Blah.
Lots of things I SHOULD be doing.... such as arranging my bills for payment. Can't get behind now. That bastard SH put me so far behind, I may die in debt over my head. Bastard. When I met him, I had $13,000 in savings and a credit score in the 700s. Now, I am struggling to keep $3000 and credit score in the 400s. I'll make it again though. I just upped my hours to 4 nights a week at the hospital, 48 hours a week. I was doing that AND had another job... but hubby asked that I not do two jobs anymore. He was worried about me. What? Someone worried about ME? That was a new concept, that's for sure. Sure haven't been used to THAT one! The others would encourage me to work ....all the time. As a matter of fact, I remember once when I was working 2nd shift (3-11) , I was complaining to BG and asked if I could just not work at that job, and his reply to me? "You are just pissed cause the other didn't have to work and you do." Talking about his ex wife. Needless to say, I went to work that day and every day thereafter and never said another word. But I made sure we never shared money at that point either. No combined bank accounts. Ever. But yet he insists that he gave me money all the time for my account.... when? Who paid when your phone was turned off at your business? Who paid your electric bill at your business when you said you weren't making enough? I did, you stupid fucktard. I did.
Now, the assface has the audacity to file a counterclaim in court on ME???? When I left, we had two living rooms, so I took one set of furniture from the room we rarely used. Now, he is saying that he wants the living room furniture that I have (that will give him two), he wants the TV I have (that will give him 4 and me one), he wants the engagement ring back (which he can have when my belongings are returned to me), and get this..... that jag wants my fucking BURIAL PLOT!!! What the holy fucking Hell?????
All this after he and his sister fucked me out of the house I was buying "land contract" from his sissy poo, and being called every name in the book (my favorite being "white trailer trash slut sugar momma")
Guess we'll find out when the judge determines...
Thursday, July 11, 2019
Holy Fuck! This retrograde ...
Is REALLY messing with me!!!
Remember how in the last post (or somewhere in there I said I couldn't sleep)? Well, I took a nap. A short lived, much needed nap. I woke up after one of the most horrid dreams a person could have.
Three of my daughters (two pregnant) and myself ended up at an "after hours" restaurant with my ex, BG. He was visiting with the "head honcho" and smoking cigars. Another man came in and started messing with my daughter who wasn't pregnant, and she, being her sassy self, started back at him, hurling sarcastic comments. He grabbed her sexually, and my older daughter, AL (who is NOT pregnant in real life), jumped up to protect her sister, and ended up being caught in the middle. This man ended up grabbing her and choking her until she fell to the ground, with mascara running down her face from the tears. Sarcastic daughter bent to help her sister, and I rushed over to her and yelled at him to leave her alone "can't you see she's pregnant?". The youngest daughter, AR (who IS pregnant in real life is sitting at the table scared and crying). I called to my ex, who was in another room off this "dining area" looked as if he was high and I asked him to take us home, to which he replied, "Nope.". So I asked for the keys to get the girls out of there and he looked at me with a god awful smirk on his face and said, "Sorry, can't do that."
I woke up immediately. Thank God.
Why am I in fear that he would actually allow something like t his to happen to my daughters and myself these days? Because that is how evil he has become.
I think I may have had a heart attack... maybe a stroke.... possibly both.
Remember how in the last post (or somewhere in there I said I couldn't sleep)? Well, I took a nap. A short lived, much needed nap. I woke up after one of the most horrid dreams a person could have.
Three of my daughters (two pregnant) and myself ended up at an "after hours" restaurant with my ex, BG. He was visiting with the "head honcho" and smoking cigars. Another man came in and started messing with my daughter who wasn't pregnant, and she, being her sassy self, started back at him, hurling sarcastic comments. He grabbed her sexually, and my older daughter, AL (who is NOT pregnant in real life), jumped up to protect her sister, and ended up being caught in the middle. This man ended up grabbing her and choking her until she fell to the ground, with mascara running down her face from the tears. Sarcastic daughter bent to help her sister, and I rushed over to her and yelled at him to leave her alone "can't you see she's pregnant?". The youngest daughter, AR (who IS pregnant in real life is sitting at the table scared and crying). I called to my ex, who was in another room off this "dining area" looked as if he was high and I asked him to take us home, to which he replied, "Nope.". So I asked for the keys to get the girls out of there and he looked at me with a god awful smirk on his face and said, "Sorry, can't do that."
I woke up immediately. Thank God.
Why am I in fear that he would actually allow something like t his to happen to my daughters and myself these days? Because that is how evil he has become.
I think I may have had a heart attack... maybe a stroke.... possibly both.
Flowers!!!
My flowers are beautiful!
The hibiscus is blooming daily and the rose bush is coming back... :D
This makes an ol' country girl at heart very happy....
Brain Dump- Day2
Well, I made it through with not even a mention of alcohol last night,
and I feel great! But then again, hubby has to work today and he really
doesn't like to drink when he has to go to work. Understandable. Neither
do I. I truly hate the nausea, the shakes, the headaches, the vision
problems that you get after a night out. Gawd... if that's not enough to
make ya quit, I don't know what is!! Yet, here we go...
So last night, I didn't sleep worth shit (again). Got up to the couch about 3ish. Heard hubby's alarm at 5:30a. Glad I did... LOL! Bless his heart. At least he got breakfast and coffee this morning. I was tired, but he deserves the best of me that I can give, and if that involves making him a good breakfast before he goes off to work, then that is exactly what I will do. :D
I made Chicken and Pineapple Kabobs on the grill last night for supper... he really loved them! I'm thinking something pork tonight... maybe. Lord knows I change my mind 47 times a day... LOL! We fertilized and watered the outside plants last night. They truly needed it too. It was so hot an dhumid yesterday! But I will gladly take it over freezing cold any day!
Is anyone else suffering from Mercury retrograde? My computer is really acting stupid and won't let me use my new email address to log into other websites. Gah!!!
Well, I have successfully moved what I started with "my diary" to here. Now, to figure out how to change my email address so none of the Indiana fucks can find me. That is my greatest fear... being found by one of those bastards. BG has already ruined my life. He kept my personal belongings from me for over two years now. And although many things have been replaced, you simply cannot replace parental and grandparent heritage. I just don't understand that man. He was so nice until I left so I could have room t breathe.... and then he turned into Satan's own child. I now truly understand why his wife left him. She up and moved to Florida leaving all behind. Now I know why.... I think what he put me through was worse than what SH put me through. He was a thief and a liar, but BG took far more than SH ever could. SH stopped after awhile. BG continues. I even received an email a month or so ago (because he has been blocked from any and all other contact) and I was slammed for getting married! He stated, and I quote: "Congratulations, I guess...And relative to your current status I will say this. And I’m sorry if it seems hateful or anything, it’s just a thought based on everything that I have now seen that came before me and that which has come after me. It seems your preference is bad boys and all , and that are preferably bald, and have lovely nicknames.... I’ll predict that this will ultimately come to the same end as all the rest. Speaking of bald, I have not cut my hair since you left me hanging again a year ago." Who the fuck cares if he cut his hair? I'll bet he looks really special being 62 years old with shaggy ass hair and bald on top. Ewww... Please Lord, help me not to hate..... but I do.
And even if he WAS bald (far from it), my husband would be the greatest blessing in my life. <3
So last night, I didn't sleep worth shit (again). Got up to the couch about 3ish. Heard hubby's alarm at 5:30a. Glad I did... LOL! Bless his heart. At least he got breakfast and coffee this morning. I was tired, but he deserves the best of me that I can give, and if that involves making him a good breakfast before he goes off to work, then that is exactly what I will do. :D
I made Chicken and Pineapple Kabobs on the grill last night for supper... he really loved them! I'm thinking something pork tonight... maybe. Lord knows I change my mind 47 times a day... LOL! We fertilized and watered the outside plants last night. They truly needed it too. It was so hot an dhumid yesterday! But I will gladly take it over freezing cold any day!
Is anyone else suffering from Mercury retrograde? My computer is really acting stupid and won't let me use my new email address to log into other websites. Gah!!!
Well, I have successfully moved what I started with "my diary" to here. Now, to figure out how to change my email address so none of the Indiana fucks can find me. That is my greatest fear... being found by one of those bastards. BG has already ruined my life. He kept my personal belongings from me for over two years now. And although many things have been replaced, you simply cannot replace parental and grandparent heritage. I just don't understand that man. He was so nice until I left so I could have room t breathe.... and then he turned into Satan's own child. I now truly understand why his wife left him. She up and moved to Florida leaving all behind. Now I know why.... I think what he put me through was worse than what SH put me through. He was a thief and a liar, but BG took far more than SH ever could. SH stopped after awhile. BG continues. I even received an email a month or so ago (because he has been blocked from any and all other contact) and I was slammed for getting married! He stated, and I quote: "Congratulations, I guess...And relative to your current status I will say this. And I’m sorry if it seems hateful or anything, it’s just a thought based on everything that I have now seen that came before me and that which has come after me. It seems your preference is bad boys and all , and that are preferably bald, and have lovely nicknames.... I’ll predict that this will ultimately come to the same end as all the rest. Speaking of bald, I have not cut my hair since you left me hanging again a year ago." Who the fuck cares if he cut his hair? I'll bet he looks really special being 62 years old with shaggy ass hair and bald on top. Ewww... Please Lord, help me not to hate..... but I do.
And even if he WAS bald (far from it), my husband would be the greatest blessing in my life. <3
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